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Little Sisyphus

Bad Vibes

by Nora Nygard

The Portal exclusive
1.
Soft Lock 00:52
i got a soft lock at the sock hop gotta morph ball into peace talks where do i go i don’t know if i can’t taste it why do i gotta face it i wanna stay inside all day don’t wanna talk to landlady don’t wanna hear my daddy say boy you look like boy tonight what a weird phase you picked this time
2.
every single curse i shake around in my head i don't wanna turn to wish again that i'm dead all the little tears i cry alone in my bed praying for the day i cuddle up to girlfriend
3.
Neutron Bomb 01:23
my computer turned into a neutron bomb my dad said i'll never be a mom why should i even try when there is no world outside i am caving in and i don't give a shit my pointless alphabet spells apocalypse bathe me in your spit until my lungs fill up with it my chest my skull like a graveyard blush i'd do anything for your touch i'd do anything for your touch
4.
there's nothing here there's nothing here i'm alone again like i've always been all the time i've wasted i don't know how to face it
5.
who am i kidding who who who
6.
will i ever find my way outta hell am i doomed to live here forever no answers to my questions and it never gets any better slip into the time compression my body sinks with the mass of black holes path between the buildings where i cycle with my hands up i don't remember i'll never remember i'll never go back home you taught me to feel the pain i'll always be alone your golden retriever shotgun shells fireworks in the sky LAN parties i have no idea what you said to me before you died now i know you're not at peace seems so long ago but i still can't sleep used to think you were haunting me i don't know what changed my mind you're gonna bleed me til i die i'll be more vigilant this time god wants me dead that's what you said it's all the same isn't it
7.
i don't understand no, i don't understand why i have to bleed your face with my hands older men love to hand me hamm's fuck me up let me go home again highway stops pissin on coal creek you were drunk i was 15 i was happy for once you were like 23 you said "you remind me a lot of me" i don't understand no, i don't understand why i have to bleed your face with my hands
8.
john coltrane i love you john i love you john i wish you weren't gone you always make me smile when i'm feeling sad the days are long i hope someday we all get to ascend like you did new york 1967 1967 family and the tape machine heroin and busted teeth the spirit in the room siren in the streets couldn't stop eating sweets when i'm numb you make me feel protecting us all with your spiritual shield
9.
i don't wanna run away from all the things i love i don't wanna live a life of fear i don't wanna say goodbye to all the young smiles you had left but you're gone i don't wanna find myself a belt around my neck you hate me as you chase i'm screaming help i will walk into the darkness live my life with all the lights flipped i don't care if you ever see me i'm gonna fly my freak flag high being kind to all the strangers hi there neighbor i'll see you later if you wanna kill me cuz my gender today is a good day to die
10.
i'm gonna ride down to the river riding to the river tonight i ride to the river gonna ride down to the river tonight bike bike bike i'ma pushing my legs and when i get done i'ma sleep in for days riding to the river riding to the river tonight i ride to the river gonna ride down to the river tonight take a pic of that beautiful river text it quick to my baby sister i miss your face and i miss your squeezin someday riding just you and me i'm gonna ride down to the river riding to the river tonight i ride to the river gonna ride down to the river tonight
11.
if you ask me come over can you braid my hair give me a hug tell me you care i'll wear your dress dress and undress i would say yeah i would say yep i would yes yes yes yes yes
12.
where are all my beans where are all my beans now i can’t find my cans i just wanted to chow down
13.
Bad Vibes 00:45
bad vibes talkin bout bad vibes bad vibes yeah bad vibes on the driver's side bad vibes yeah bad vibes am i gonna get hate crimed bad vibes yeah bad vibes maybe baby bad vibes kiss me with a baseball bat there's a hell of a smell and i think it's gonna kill me think it's gonna kill me think it can go eat my ass
14.
Baby Ghost 01:08
single dose double dose triple dose go go go go baby go go go gonna dose the most this side of the coast take a lotta medicine good baby ghost shake all night no matter which way i go i'm gonna drop cold turkey or overdose single dose double dose triple dose go go go go baby go go go
15.
got a toenail rippin right off you rip it right off my mind is slipping into nothing my mind is tripping and caught i met god on the highway spoke to me with all kinds of secrets and powerful thoughts one night a sunset is trying to save me the next night it holds me tells me to stop says close your eyes up there on the pavement silent girl into the nightmare is gone

about

From time to time, I like to take up the practice of writing and recording a capella demos to shake the rust off my voice and keep a musical diary.

These songs collect some of my experiences and thoughts during my final stretch of living in North Dakota: coping with mental illness, riding my bike to the river, and becoming obsessed with John Coltrane.

credits

released August 6, 2022

Thank you to my supporters on Patreon: Evan, Calvin, Divyaa, Chris, Aaron, Delia the Snake, Cameron, Jacob, Shannon, Blake, Frida and Zoë.

Thanks to my subscribers on Bandcamp: Jacob, Beat, Frida, Beau and Zoë.

Nora Nygard: Production / Recording / Mastering / Transfer Cassette to Digital / Songwriter / Cover Art / Photography / Vocals

Recorded to cassette with a Shure SM48 on a Marantz PMD222 in the Elevator in Bismarck, ND, 30 April 2021 to 13 December 2021.

Soft Lock · 30 April 2021
Every Single Curse · 30 April 2021
Neutron Bomb · 30 April 2021
Alone Again Like I've Always Been · 30 April 2021
Who Am I Kidding · 30 April 2021
Will I Ever Find My Way · 2 May 2021
Bleed Your Face · 3 May 2021
I Love You John · 12 May 2021
Today Is a Good Day to Die · 13 May 2021
Ride to the River · 3 July 2021
Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes · 21 July 2021
Where Are All My Beans · 21 July 2021
Bad Vibes · 28 July 2021
Baby Ghost · 18 November 2021
My Mind Is Slipping into Nothing · 13 December 2021

The photograph was shot in Utah on 3 October 2021.

Little Sisyphus | NN036

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Nora Nygard Saint Paul, Minnesota

I've always been searching. Drumming in punk bands. Singing into a cassette mic alone. Trans angst, alienation, going on the road. Synthesis, tape, poetry. Two failed tours, two failed degrees. Reclaiming my voice from the choir, reshaping my voice after punk rock. Years of isolation, hormone therapy, production studies, and hundreds of releases with various projects. ... more

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